DOVE products- Especially shampoo, lotion, and deodorant. I ran out of my favorite kind. Actually within the last month I ran out of all the toiletries I brought from home, it was rather devastating. In regards to personal hygiene and ablutions I’m really quite persnickety. I don’t enjoy not having my usual, over-abundant arsenal of delightfully fragrant, name-brand toiletries on hand. Though some of the products here are just plain fun. They have a tub of rock-hard body wax made from lemons and sugar (I ate some, not at all bad) that costs around fifty cents. After boiling it in a pot of water for awhile I was able to get it into a sticky, taffy-like consistency. Affixing it with some loose-leaf notebook paper I was able to wax a small patch of Matt’s back. This was, of course, an activity that is only enjoyable A) after copious delicious adult beverages, or B) as in our case- when opportunity collides with extreme boredom. This gave us at least ten minutes of entertainment but not a moment more because, I don’t like hair. But what I really don’t like? What I really don’t like is YOUR hair, on or around ME.
ENGLISH- Not actually English per se because I spend all day teaching it, and because everyone here speaks English to me constantly- not because they actually can, but because they shout the only English words they know at me, usually in this order, “America tamam (good)! Yemen tamam?? Yes, Yes! OBAMA! What you name?!” until I finally just give up and nod and grin for awhile before moving on. I miss GOOD English. Today I literally said, “you must to do it” in a sentence. I need some witty banter, I need a littler repartee. I’m so used to saying a word and then immediately saying a simpler synonym, and then simplifying again until I speak in monosyllables, “The beach, good.” I do it in regular conversations with native speakers now too, “I have a surfeit of time…uh.. an overabundance of… an excess.. I have A LOT of time on my hands” and in return I get, “yeah. Clearly I know what “surfeit” means. I’m from Michigan. I have my Masters in English semantics. But thanks. A LOT”
FORKS- I have two OCD tendencies in my life, one is about my laundry which I will get to in the “L” section of this list. The other one is about eating food with my hands. I just hate touching food. Something about it makes me feel outrageously unclean. I have this thing whereby anytime I eat food with my hands- sandwiches, burgers, pizza, wingies, etc. I have an overpowering, all-encompassing NEED to take a shower. Just immediately. Something about using my hands to eat makes me feel overwhelmingly unclean and uncomfortable. Relief comes only with a full shower. Even washing my face and arms up to the elbow (which I do in a pinch) doesn’t bring relief. It’s completely ridiculous and most people don’t know this about me because, up to a certain point, you gotta hide the crazy as long as you can. This was a seemingly insurmountable obstacle upon reaching Yemen. Here, food comes on big communal platters. You rip off little hunks of bread and scoop up food (and then SHOVEL it into your mouth) with your right hand. Nice huh? Getting a savory little morsel of carbohydrates with every single bite! Eating rice is especially tricky- it involves first smooshing the rice down into a wad and then, dexterously and with the proper momentum, using the convex rim of the platter to propel the rice up and toward your mouth. You then employ a patented thumb-flick motion to get it into your mouth- or, as in my case, to get it on your face, in your hair, on your lap, down your shirt, and more often than not, in your eyes. Plural, BOTH eyes. It’s a neat trick. Due to necessity I’m doing remarkably well with my little problem. I simply control my mind, I still use forks all the time, my Flesh Forks that is! Ahahah! Get it? My fingers? I use my fingers in lieu of an actual fork?!? Palms thought that was funny..
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