More on camels

In other Camel news-
Cultural note** Yemeni’s are convinced, CONVINCED that if you accidently ingest camel’s milk before major surgery, the secret, antidotal qualities in the milk will render the anesthesia completely ineffective. Because didn’t you know, camel’s milk thwarts science.

whispered sweet nothings

A former friend/ wannabe suitor came back into my life recently and sent me this earnest little message:
“Please tell me your INGREDIENTS because I mixed
100 kg of sugar with 80 kg of chocolate, and 60 kg of honey, but I still can’t make a person as sweet as you.”

I laughed out loud in glee when I first read it. This is now my ultimate favorite pick up line. I desperately wanted to show someone this glorious little gem of a message- which was intended to be taken seriously- and waited in a high state of excitement for Ben to finish his classes. After he read it, Ben rolled his eyes and quipped, “Does that mean he thinks you weigh 240 kilos?”


Side Note** I do NOT weigh 240 kilos

vial of vile. That doesn't even make sense.

Today I was at Lulu Hypermarket- which I sometimes publicly refer to as “Club Lu’s” because I’m that cool, when I came upon a highly perplexing new product- Camel Oil! Dear god what could that even be? It was a tiny little vial in the toiletries section- I only know camels to be large, ungainly, brutish sort of creatures of a highly aromatic nature- I cannot even begin to fathom what sort of medicinal, salubrious, or titivating purpose OIL FROM CAMELS could possibly have. I know I for one would not wish to have that on or around my face.

In my mind I picture camel hooves and humps being pressed like olives.

panicky for at least 20 seconds

The other day I was bumbling along on my way home- on a route I’ve taken at least 432 times- I was lost in contemplative musings aka rummaging around in my bag for that last wayward cookie when I looked up and found to my complete and utter shock that I was in totally uncharted terrain, terra incognita if you will. Lost! It made me instantly panic and I whirled about in my high state of bewilderment- the problem? I wasn’t lost at all, there was just a new street vendor fruit stall. It totally threw my world out of orbit. That’s all. I found my way back home, so you don’t need to worry. Wow, that was a really good story.

ricocheting poop splash

This is easily the most vulgar title that has ever graced the pages of this blog. It had to be done.

Last night Ben and I decided to go to a film screening at the German center- this was indeed an exciting occurence because the last time they showed a film (at the French center) was about 5 months ago.
The film was "Das Boot" about a German U-boat during the war. Before I knew that that was the name of the film we would be presently watching, Ben made a comment about "something, something, das Boot" I go, "Oh, Das boot? You mean like those big boot-shaped beer glasses? yeah, there's a bar in Seattle that has those!"
Not one of my brightest moments.

it turned out to be an almost 4 hour ordeal- Ben and I were the only ones there except for the one German guy and the two people that run the French center. It was awkward. I felt like we couldn't leave, plus I liked it, I wanted to see how the film ended!
*SPOILER ALERT*
the Germans lose the war.

But here is the kicker...
We were watching the film outside on a big projector- happily enjoying fresh squeezed orange juice, and munching on some shwarma with a fan blowing on our backs. it was straight up posh for Yemen. About a half hour into the film, all these bats started flocking above us. Ben and I watched them interestedly almost as much as we watched the film - making Ace Ventura jokes, the bats were darting and swooping overhead, making a surprising amount of racket.
And then...
one pooped on my FOREHEAD.
no but seriously. A BAT POOPED on my FOREHEAD.
There was such force behind the expellation of guano that it RICOCHETED ONTO BEN'S SHIRT.
What a nice moment for us to share together.

It's because Yemen isn't a real place in the world

so I was organizing my wardrobe earlier and trying to get rid of a bunch of stuff that I don't need and certainly cannot ever wear in Yemen. As I was going through my stuff I made a small pile of things that I wanted to send home- much too beloved or nice to leave in Yemen, but inappropriate for the culture or weather here.
I went to FedEx with the idea of sending these few items home- along with some nice Yemeni treats for my family-coffee, pistachios, dates, and the like. Plus I wanted to give Kallyn a bedazzled Yemeni shirt to cherish for ever and ever.
I selected the smallest box- holds 8 kilos or less, and indicated that I couldn't care less when it gets to America. It can take 4 months for all I care- I just want it to not be in Yemen any longer, and promise to arrive in Bremerton some day.
That successfully communicated, I inquired as to the price...
$611. 85!!!!!
I was all... "umm.. excuse me.. what did you say? That was in American dollars..?"
I even checked it online at FedEx.com. FedEx International shipping cost from Yemen to the Hanley Hacienda- SIX HUNDRED dollars and eighty-five cents. whoa nelly.
Needless to say, I did not send it. For that price I can FLY home and hand deliver the contents... and about 7 weeks earlier too.